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Bambozled at the Cemetary
One of the traditions on all saints night is to go to the cemetary, and light candles, and put them on the graves of family members. We would sit there and tell stories about said family member, laugh at the funny things and talk about the good times. . Now that was not the main attraction for us kids, nooo, the main attraction is the sweet treat that was made around that time, oh yes, we made sweet treats and sat around graves and talked. Anyway back to the sweet treat. All the fuss over this sweet treat by us kids you would have thought this was some fancy food or something, but no, all it is, corn, toasted or parched as we say, then while its hot you grind it up and when it is fine like cornmeal you add sugar, cinnamon and some people add a little pepper, we call it Asham. ok so here I was, eight years old, sitting here listening to stories about me Grandfather. I was bored for so. I looked over at the other grave, there were a couple of children there, so I wondered off and went over to them, we slipped away and sat on a grave without candles. “You have the good Asham”* the little girl asked, Wey yuh tink, Me mudda make de best Asham in the whole village, de whole world even,” I said, we all looked down at our brown, one pound paper bags filled with Asham. The little boy laughed, “Boi yuh mus’ be bazodi you know, me granmuma, she makes the universe’s best Asham you know,” We argued for a while then we shared our Asham with each other trying to determine whose was best. Out of the dark, three older boys, fifteen or sixteen years old, walked up to us and sat down. The one that looked like the ring leader, only because he was bigger than the other two, looked at me and said. “So yuh mudda makes de best Asham eh? I heard some of de women and dem talk and dey say dat is true, yuh mudda make de best,” Eight years old, I did not think to ask him where he heard that, I was smiling real big basking in the attention. He looked over at one of the other boys and shook his head. The boy walked up holding a two pound brown filled with Asham “Yuh know what dis is?” smiling real big, “Dis is me great grandmuma’s Asham, is she yuh mudda learn from you know,” I did not say anything, I was too impressed with that big boy size bag. The boy reached it out to me but, before I took it he pulled it back, “Nah mon, ah not just going give you me Asham, I am talking bout a trade yuh know,” I looked at him, looked at my bag of Asham then looked at his gigantic bag and greed took the better of me. I reached my bag out to him and he dropped his bag in my hand, me hand almosy hit the ground, this big boy bag was heavy form so. He put my bag up to his lips, “Hmmmm dis real good,” he said smacking his lips. “Try me Grandmuma’s nah,” He said smacking his lips even harder, that damn Asham dries up you mouth real fast. I opened the top of the bag, lifted it to my mouth, hell I had to eat it big boy style. The Asham rolled out the bag and a rush of it went into my mouth. Asham rolled out the side of my mouth and onto my pants. I finally was able to get control of the bag and stopped the gush. That was when I realized that this Asham was a little salty. I tried chewing and realized that the Asham was way too crunchy and was getting saltier. I started to cough, raining the fake Asham all over the boy and the girl. The older boys were laughing and pointing. They got up and walked away. I spat and coughed, and when I composed myself, I shined on the bag of Asham and realized that it was sand. Sand, I fell for the best known trick in the book, replace Asham with sand and give it to some unsuspecting person and then laugh. I tell you what, I never fell for that trick again, and I am ashamed to say, I have been the culprit of many of these pranks, No one was safe, old, young, middle age, I pulled that trick on everyone, also got me ass kicked a few times over that trick.
If you like dark with a little humour, this is a must watch
Henry and his friends managed to make their way close to where the jungle began. Suddenly, the ground moved, like waves on a stormy day, and more Jab Jabs began to crawl out of the ground. One of the Jab Jabs sat waist deep into the ground. From his waist up he was flesh and bone, the rest of him blended with the mud. As he slowly moved to get up, his legs transform from mud to flesh and bone. He looked up at Henry, the young warrior kicked at the Jab Jab’s feet, and chunks of mud flew into the air, and the Jab Jab fell, he sat, half man half mud. The Jab Jab flopped back to the ground the parts of his body that touched the ground, immediately turned into mud. He began to rise again and Henry kicked at him and his body exploded, and chunks of mud flew into the air, and then landed on the ground next to Henry. The chunks moved a little then dissolved into the ground. Henry got to the jungle just as a red Jab Jab came at him, he turned swinging his machete, the Jab Jab stopped, looked at him as the rest of his body was sucked into the wound.
Henry heard a scream and saw Donkor and some of his warriors being overwhelmed by the Jab Jabs, he ran back towards them swinging his machete. Mud flew everywhere, the drops sounded like large raindrops as they hit the ground. A rad Jab Jab jumped onto Donkor and he stumbled backwards and fell. Henry was surprised at how easily the giant went down. The Jab Jab jumped on him and sat on his chest. Henry ran as fast as he could to get to them. The Jab Jab was pushing down on Donkor, and slowly he sank. The half of him that touched the ground began to turn into mud. Henry got to them and swung his machete, the Jab Jab looked up at him, as if surprised, and then like the other Jab Jab he was sucked into his own body and disappeared. Henry stretched his hand down to Donkor. The giant reached up and Henry’s hand disappeared into his mitts, a mixture of flesh and mud fell off of him as he stood up, moved around on the ground for a second, and then blended with the earth. They heard a scream and turned around to see a Jab Jab standing on top of one of the Bokors. The Jab Jab stomped, and slowly the Bokor’s body sank, turning into mud, and both he and the Jab Jab disappeared into the ground. The surface moved a little as if they were still struggling under the surface, then it was still.
Henry turned around just as a mud Jab Jab came towards them. They swung their machetes at the same time, and the upper half of the Jab Jab fell to the ground and dissolved into the mud.
“Come on, lets get out of this field.” Donkor said. They headed to the jungle swinging their machete. Around them warriors were being dragged underground. They were almost to the jungle when the ground beneath Henry moved, and a Jab Jab grabbed Henry’s feet, and before he reacted, he was knee deep into the ground.
“What the devil,” he yelled. He swung his machete at the ground. The mud churned, like large rodents were running around just under the surface. He looked ahead; Donkor was in a fierce battle with two Jab Jabs. In an instant, he was waist deep into the ground. More hands grabbed his legs, and he clawed at the ground as he slowly descended. Then he was in darkness. His brains felt like an opened sore rubbing against the course material of a poor man’s knickers. He tried to scream, but the taste of mud overpowered him. Then eyes surrounded him, green, yellow, red and purple. They chanted,
“Byenreni nam lakou an,” Henry tried to kick, but he had no legs. The eyes moved around him turning into a blaze of colours. He had almost lost consciousness when he was jerked out of the ground. Donkor stood next to him. He bent over and a projectile of small pebbles and mud exploded from his mouth.
A world of Peace 