Funny Ole Lady from I am a Dirty Immigrant

My mother-in-law had a classic reaction, but before I describe her reaction, let me say that this woman was the most spiritual Christian I ever met. She was one of the few people who sincerely tried to make me feel like I was part of the family. The first time she saw a picture of me, she grabbed her chest and proceeded to perform the best Fred Sanford impersonation an old white woman could do. In my head I heard Red Fox’s raspy voice coming from the little white lady saying, “This is the big one baby.” Two hours later she invited me to their Thanksgiving dinner. That woman loved to hug, which was strange for me because my family was not the hugging type. She would squeeze so hard I felt my bones pop and crack. She had long gray hair that came to her waist, dark eyes and she was constantly telling stories about her life. The first night I slept at her house, she did something that scared me shitless. It was about 4am and I was fast asleep when I heard the wooden floor creak, so I opened my eyes. Her silhouette floated into the room and stopped at the foot of the bed, her long hair swaying gently as she stood. I tensed up; hell, I was ready to be whacked over the head. After a few seconds, she squeezed my toes, turned and walked out of the room. Later my ex-wife told me that that was something she did. It was a loving gesture, and whenever I stayed at her house, I would be woken by the creaking of the floor as she came in to squeeze our toes.

On The Move

Been a busy few days. Dealing with DMV, bank, trying to get things together for a possible move to Florida. I am tired of the Mountains, trying to get back to the beach. Don’t get me wrong, the mountains are pretty, but one tends to want to go back to what they grew up around. People come back to the mountains here all the time, they say they miss it, they want to see mountains when they wake up. Understandable, we tend to long for when we grew up around as we get older. For me, its the scent of the ocean, fresh fish, seashells, sunsets over the ocean, the sound of the ocean rolling ashore, the sight of the moon over the open waters, yes, those moonlit nights when the ocean sparkle florescent. Oh yes, I am ready for sand, sea and blue skies.

51th Installment of La Diablesse

hqdefaultIan is in a fight for his life. Looks like he is well on his way to escape. But the evil La Diablesse is on his hells and she is bent on satisfying her misplaced vengeance. Will she catch up with Ian, will he overpower her and gain his freedom, or will he die in that cave and be forgotten by the people on the island.

50th Installment of La Diablesse

The light grew bigger as I came closer to it but suddenly darkness engulfed me, I was lying on my back looking up at Christine she was holding a large stone in she right hand, I thought what the hell, how did she get here so bloody fast? I saw the light behind she its big yellow glow lighting up the small circle, an intersection of hallways with dark holes bout ten feet tall and six feet wide that looked like entrances to different parts of the cave.

I looked back at Christine she was holding the stone above she head moving it menacingly. I got to me feet preparing meself for when she threw it, but instead she stood up straight a mischievous smile replaced the angry expression. She dropped the stone bout halfway between us and motioned for me to pick it up, but I did not move. She was shifting from one leg to the next impatiently so I moved towards the stone like I was going to pick it up as she chuckled with anticipation.

“Come on boy, don’t you know how to fight, don’t you want to go back to your little bitch?” I looked at she, anger welling up in me.

“When I am done with you I will go take care of her. It is my duty to put a stop to that nauseating emotion, women don’t need men, noooo, all we need is each other and the Goddesses, so come on let me finish you off, die like a man.”

I stood snarling like a trapped animal then I lowered me shoulder and charged at she. Me shoulder rammed into she stomach and I heard she gasp as the wind was knocked out of she. I kept pumping me feet like a rugby player as she screamed and clawed at me back, the jagged edges of the wall came at us so I unwrapped me arm from round she just as we slammed into the wall she body cushioning the impact.

I stepped back Christine slumped to the ground gasping for air, I spun round kicking up dirt as I did. Out of the corner of me eyes I saw Christine moving, I had to make a quick decision so I took the torch from its stand and ran into the nearest opening. I heard the voices of the La Diablesse as they gather in the intersection, man I tell you what they sounded like a crowd of angry villagers chasing a criminal. The passageway suddenly became shorter and I had to crouch a little, just as I though me back would give out the roof of the passageway grew taller and I straighten up the joints in me back popping painfully echoing all the way through the tunnel.

I stopped and listened for the women but I heard nothing, bloody women, I hoped they had given up. The torch began to flicker and I wondered where the wind was coming from. I sat down hoping I could catch me breath, I mean, me chest was burning like hell. The sand had turned into dirt and I brushed some of it off me legs as I looked round at the place where I sat. There was water flowing from cracks in the walls creating lines of green slime where the water ran down from the holes, some sort of bush hung from the ceiling dripping water onto the middle of the passageway. I got up and walked over to the bush and let water drip into me hands and I tasted it, bloody water was salty for so, I lifted the torch above me head and started walking.

I walked for bout an hour or so me legs aching like crazy and I was having trouble breathing in the stagnant air. I dropped to the ground resting me head on the walls of the passageway. The torch was almost out making it impossible for me to see where I was, I sat and watched the last flicker of light disappear plunging me into darkness, I sat there letting me eyes become accustom to the darkness, but that did not help much. I pulled myself to me feet and laboriously began walking desperate to find light.