The Rudebouyz Radio Show Tonight

Tune in tonight, 10pm to mind night. Ohhh yes, we will be ranting at 10pm and then after that, it is time for the “Durty Hour” Oh yes, it go be blazing tonight. Go to http://www.marchall.edu/wmul and click on stream 1. Yes me bridda, we go be doing up some reggae, hip hop, calypso, dance hall, soul, R&B music from all over the works, Africa, the Caribbean, America, hey we have it all me people. So tune in already.

Ohh yes yes, Sugar Apples

Ohhh the sweet creamy deliciousness, Oh yes, its Saturday afternoon and a group of boys are all scaling the tree trying to find the ripe ones. They were running around the tree scrambling over the fallen fruit, sometimes destroying it before anyone could get to eat it.  Soon there were way too many boys trying to climb the tree, the branches sagged to the ground as they swung from branch to branch. Then there was a loud booming voice.

“All you get out ah me yard!” The boys stopped, all was quiet, an old man charged out of the house, he moved fast taking into consideration his age. Above his head was a switch and before the boys could react the old man was among them swinging the switch, connecting on anyone he could. Oh the screaming the laughing as the old man chased them out of the yard.

“You little hooligaans!” he screamed. “I know who you are, i know all all yuh muddas, I go tell dem and all yuh go get a good licking. Stay out me yard I tell yuh.” The boys were laughing, some checking themselves for marks from the switch.  oh yes, the things us boys used tio do for some sweet sweet sugar apples.

Ahhh yes Sunday OBEAH TUNE IN

482533_4476181379165_754623507_n hA HA HA HA HA HA, Papa Jumbie here, I hope you tune in tomorrow Sunday for another installment of OBEAH the novel. You want to be taken into Caribbean mythology, come tomorrow morning, make sure you do, or Papa Jumbie will be in your dreams, trust me you do not want that. Remember tomorrow. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. ,

Mommy Charles and the Bam Bam Skinner

The sun was blasting down, so hot when you walk in the sunshine you skin would tingle. Here i was, eight years old on summer break. Mommy Charles had stayed home from work that day and it was just me and she in the house. I don’t quit remember why our nice quiet day deteriorated into a battle of wills,  I mean it could have been because i had stolen the freshly baked bread and hid it in the dresser draw, or, i could have said a word I should not have said, or even I may have stupes (suck my teeth) or looked at her crossed eyed when she tried to discipline me, but here I was, bolting out the back door, Mommy Charles in hot pursuit. I burst out the back door, down the flight of stairs and onto the cobble stoned alleyway. Mommy Charles stood at the doorway looking down at me.

“Wey you tink you go go? She asked, that wait till i get hold of you look on her face. I realized she would not come out after me, she did not have her shoes on. So feeling confident i was safe, i wagged my tongue at her and did a little dance, my skinny legs pumping and twisting like James Brown, I mean it was footwork that even he could not duplicate.

“Ohhh so you mocking me now eh? You just wait.” she said, shook her head and sat down. thus began the staring battle, Mommy Charles on the top of the stairs and me standing in the alley. People walked by, some saying hello others looking at us real strange. Mommy Charles got up and was about to go inside and me and without thinking I committed the most heinous crime an eight year old could. I turned my back to Mommy Charles, bent over, pulled my pants down and skinned my bam bam at she (mooned). I felt the warm tropical sun brush off my bare bam bam sending chill bumps all over my body. I heard Mommy Charles growl, i swear, i say smoke come out she mouth. I pulled my pants up real fast as if afraid to be scotched by she fuming breath.

“Wey yuh tink you go run to eh? Wah you go do, swim to de nex’ island?” That was when all the bravado drained out of me. i thought, lord, where am i going to go to get away from Mommy Charles. She shook her head and walked back into the house. I sat there , on the hot cobble stone alley, my heart pounding as i tried to figure out where i can go. Back then, running away was not an option, I mean where would I go, not to my father’s, hell no. Maybe i can go live on the beach, but damn it the police would catch me and take me home. I can go to the other side of the island, but Mommy Charles had family there. They would not just take me back home, they most likely would have spanked me and then take me home. Either way i was going to take a good licking. I looked around, like an animal caged and about to get spaded. I decided to try and make it to the bedroom that my brother and i shared. i started walking up the stairs but stopped, surely she would be somewhere up there waiting. I went around the house to the front door. I listened pressing my ear against the wood. i heard nothing so i gingerly placed my hand on the door knob and turned it. The bloody door squeaked as I pushed it in.  I poked my head in and looked left and right. A shiver of joy rushed through me. Mommy Charles was nowhere in sight. I moved across the living room floor on my toes trying not to step on any loose floor boards.  i was really excited as i reached the bed room door. I was whispering to myself,

“Oh yes, she tink she smarter dan me, well I go show she.” I was so relieved I was giggling uncontrollably by the time i had the bedroom door opened. I was not going to escape the spanking, but i sure was going to put it off as long as I can. I pushed the door open, leaned in and looked inside, she was not going to trick me by waiting in there. I stood there for a second trying to decide if this was the best hiding place when suddenly i felt a stinging sensation on my bum. I hesitated to look back knowing what i would see. I slowly looked around just in time to see the belt above mommy Charles’s head then closed my eyes and clenched my teeth anticipating the next lash. That damn belt, I had hidden it a few days ago, but here it was, reappearing like voodoo magic, gracefully swinging through the air. I rushed into the bedroom, Mommy Charles stood there for a second as i danced and jumped rubbing my bum with my hands. I tell you what, I learned my lesson, i never back talked or skinned my bam bam at mommy Charles ever again.

Irie Marning Me Friends

Time to wake up and face the day, let that sunshine hit yuh skin, make you feel alive, make you want to dance for so. Yes man, its a brand new day and I hope all yuh have an irie day walking through this creation. One love in the marning .

The Naked Drunk from I am a Dirty Immigrant

I never saw crack-heads on the island. Mainly drunks, some people love their fire water, but if you ask me, they are just as stupid and equally as dangerous. I was on the beach chilling, watching some kids play football – soccer to some of you. I saw a drunk in ragged old shorts and no shirt. That man was the skinniest person I ever seen. He looked like the rum was drying him up. He was using a cutlass to open a green coconut, but he was swinging it recklessly, becoming a danger to those closest to him. One of his friends tried to take the cutlass away from him and he became belligerent. More of his friends tried to reason with him, but he began swinging the weapon wildly.

Call Babylon!” someone shouted, and the melee escalated. The drunk was not swinging at anybody who came close to him. He was screaming something about the devil and evil angels.

The police arrived but even they could not control the raging drunk. They shuffled around as if doing some kind of voodoo dance, then the drunk broke free and ran for the ocean. He splashed into the emerald-colored water, still holding the cutlass. He swam or waded until he could not stand, and then he started sinking. The police had no choice but to go after him. They reached him, grabbed the cutlasss and dragged him back to shore. When they got to the shore and laid him on the sand, laughter erupted when the people on the beach realized that he had lost his pants in the struggle. His little Dexter was exposed for all to see. That made the drunk furious. He started to fight again. He broke free and began running down the beach with the policemen in hot pursuit, followed by the crowd, laughing and shouting. They finally caught up with him when one of the policemen dropped him with a perfect football slide. But now that they had him down, they hesitated, not wanting to touch his naked body. They finally had to when he tried to get back up. You have never heard such cursing and screaming in your life as they carried him off the beach and to the police station.